How to Deal with a Sibling Giving Up His Child for Adoption?
When your brother or sister tells you they’re placing their child for adoption, it hits like a punch to the gut. You’re dealing with a whirlwind of emotions – confusion, anger, sadness, maybe even relief. And underneath it all, you’re probably wondering: “What are my rights here? Can I do anything?”
The short answer is: Yes, you have options. But your rights depend on several factors, including whether you want to adopt the child yourself, maintain contact, or simply understand the legal process.
Let me walk you through this step by step, like I would if you were sitting across from my desk right now.
Table of Contents
Your Legal Rights as an Aunt or Uncle
Here’s what most people don’t realize – other blood relatives, such as siblings or grandparents, may also have the ability to see their relative after an adoption. But your rights aren’t automatic. You have to act.
Option 1: Pursue Relative Adoption
In Oklahoma, you have the right to be considered for adoption placement. Blood relatives can seek “interested party” status in adoption proceedings.
Under Oklahoma Statute 10A-1-4-204, the state prioritizes placement with relatives when possible. This means if your sibling is working with an agency or going through the state, you can step forward and say, “I want to adopt this child.”
What you need to do:
- Contact the adoption agency immediately
- File a petition to intervene in the adoption case
- Complete a home study and background check
- Demonstrate your ability to provide a stable home
Option 2: Request Post-Adoption Contact
Even if you don’t adopt, you might be able to maintain a relationship with your niece or nephew. Some states provide siblings with the right to visitation and others may understand the assistance in growing up and developmental years comes from real or blood siblings.
Oklahoma allows for post-adoption contact agreements, but these must be arranged before the adoption is finalized.
Related Article: Top 20 Best Child Adoption Centers in Florida
Understanding Your Sibling’s Decision
Look, I’ve seen this situation dozens of times. Your first instinct might be to fight your sibling’s decision or try to talk them out of it. But here’s the thing – placement for adoption is one of the hardest decisions a parent can make.
Common Reasons Siblings Choose Adoption
Financial hardship – They simply can’t afford to raise a child right now.
Age or maturity concerns – They feel too young or unprepared for parenthood.
Life circumstances – Maybe they’re dealing with addiction, mental health issues, or unstable housing.
Wanting better opportunities – They believe an adoptive family can provide advantages they can’t.
Relationship issues – The other parent isn’t involved or supportive.
Remember, in most cases, this isn’t about not loving the child. It’s about loving them enough to want what’s best.
The Emotional Reality: What You’re Feeling is Normal
Let me be straight with you – you’re going to feel all kinds of ways about this, and that’s completely normal.
Anger – “How could they do this to our family?”
Grief – You’re losing a relationship with a child you may have already started loving.
Guilt – “Should I have offered to help raise the baby?”
Confusion – “I don’t understand why they’re making this choice.”
Helplessness – “There’s nothing I can do.”
These feelings are valid. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Real Family Example: The Martinez Situation
Let me tell you about Maria Martinez (name changed for privacy). Her younger brother Carlos was 19 when his girlfriend got pregnant. Carlos had been struggling with addiction and was barely keeping his job.
When Carlos told Maria he was placing the baby for adoption, she was devastated. But instead of fighting him, she asked to be considered as an adoptive parent.
Here’s what Maria did right:
- She immediately contacted Carlos’s adoption counselor
- She completed a home study within weeks
- She worked with a family attorney to understand her rights
- She supported Carlos emotionally while advocating for herself
The result? Maria adopted her nephew, and Carlos maintains a relationship as the child’s uncle. Everyone won.
Legal Steps You Can Take Right Now
Step 1: Get Information Fast
Contact whoever is handling the adoption – the agency, attorney, or case worker. Under Oklahoma law, you have the right to be notified about adoption proceedings involving your relative.
Step 2: File Your Interest
You need to formally express your interest in writing. This isn’t just saying “I’d like to adopt” – you need legal documentation.
Step 3: Get a Family Law Attorney
This isn’t the time to go it alone. Adoption law is complex, and timing is everything. You need someone who knows Oklahoma’s relative adoption statutes.
Step 4: Complete Required Evaluations
If you want to adopt, you’ll need:
- Background checks
- Home study
- Financial verification
- References
- Sometimes psychological evaluation
Oklahoma’s Sibling Placement Laws
Siblings are placed together, when possible, unless a joint placement is contrary to the safety or well-being of any of the siblings.
This is crucial. If your sibling has other children in the system, Oklahoma actively tries to keep siblings together. This could work in your favor if you’re seeking adoption.
Under Oklahoma Statute 10A-1-7-107, the state must make “reasonable efforts” to place siblings together or maintain contact between them.
When Adoption Isn’t Possible: Maintaining Connection
Sometimes you can’t adopt, but you still want to stay connected. Here are your options:
Post-Adoption Contact Agreements
These are legal documents that outline:
- How often you can see the child
- What types of communication are allowed
- Holiday and special occasion arrangements
- How to handle disputes
Open Adoption Arrangements
Work with your sibling and the adoptive family to create an open adoption where you maintain an aunt/uncle relationship.
Supporting Your Sibling Through the Process
Here’s the thing – being angry at your sibling won’t help anyone, especially not the child. Your sibling is probably already dealing with guilt, grief, and judgment from others.
What to Say:
- “I support whatever decision you make”
- “I’m here if you need to talk”
- “Would you consider letting me adopt the baby?”
- “Can we work together to make sure the child stays connected to our family?”
What NOT to Say:
- “How can you give away your own child?”
- “You’re being selfish”
- “You’ll regret this”
- “What will people think?”
The Timeline: When You Need to Act
Adoption moves fast. Once your sibling signs relinquishment papers, you typically have only 30 days in Oklahoma to contest or intervene.
Before birth: This is your best window to express interest in adoption.
Birth to 72 hours: In Oklahoma, birth parents can’t sign relinquishment papers for 72 hours after birth.
After relinquishment: You have limited time to file legal challenges.
After finalization: Your options become much more limited.
Questions You Should Ask Your Sibling
- Are you working with an agency or attorney?
- Have you chosen adoptive parents?
- Would you consider family adoption?
- Can I be involved in choosing the adoptive family?
- Will this be an open or closed adoption?
- Can we arrange for ongoing contact?
Financial Considerations
If you’re considering adoption, you need to understand the costs:
Home study fees: $1,000-$3,000 Legal fees: $2,000-$5,000 Court costs: $200-$500
Oklahoma can provide monthly adoption subsidies for sibling groups, older children and those with emotional, learning or medical problems.
Red Flags: When to Get Legal Help Immediately
Contact an attorney right away if:
- Your sibling is being pressured by someone
- Money is changing hands inappropriately
- The father hasn’t been properly notified
- Your sibling wants to change their mind
- You’re being excluded from the process unfairly
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I adopt my sibling’s child without their consent?
No. In Oklahoma, both birth parents must consent to adoption unless their parental rights have been terminated by the court for abuse, neglect, or abandonment.
What if my sibling changes their mind?
The act of placing a child up for adoption without the full consent of both biological parents could lead to legal complications. In Oklahoma, birth parents have a limited time to revoke consent – typically 30 days.
Do I have more rights than non-relatives?
Yes. Oklahoma law gives preference to relative placements when possible. You have the right to be notified and considered before non-relative adoption.
Can I maintain a relationship if someone else adopts?
Potentially, yes. Oklahoma allows post-adoption contact agreements, but they must be arranged before the adoption is finalized.
What if there are multiple siblings?
Oklahoma Statutes require consideration of whether siblings should be placed together, unless it’s not in their best interests.
Moving Forward: Healing Your Family
This situation will change your family forever. That’s not necessarily bad – it’s just different.
If you adopt: You become a parent, and your sibling becomes the child’s aunt or uncle. This transition requires clear boundaries and ongoing communication.
If someone else adopts: You may maintain a relationship, or you may need to grieve the loss and focus on supporting your sibling.
If your sibling parents: Your role returns to aunt or uncle, but the experience will have changed everyone.
Professional Resources You Need
Family law attorney – Essential for understanding your legal rights.
Adoption counselor – Helps navigate the emotional aspects.
Family therapist – Assists with family dynamics and communication.
Support groups – Connect with others in similar situations.
The Bottom Line
When your sibling places a child for adoption, you’re not powerless. You have legal rights, emotional needs, and practical options. The key is acting quickly, communicating openly, and getting professional guidance.
Remember, “The relationships people share with siblings are often the longest-lasting they will ever have. Siblings are there from the beginning, and they are often still around after parents, and even spouses and children, are gone.”
This crisis can tear your family apart or bring you closer together. The choice is largely up to how you handle it.
Your next step: Contact a family law attorney in Oklahoma who specializes in adoption. Don’t wait – time is critical in these situations.
About the Author
Sarah Klein, JD, is a former family law attorney with over a decade of courtroom and mediation experience. She has represented clients in divorce, custody cases, adoption, Alimony, and domestic violence cases across multiple U.S. jurisdictions.
At All About Lawyer, Sarah now uses her deep legal background to create easy-to-understand guides that help families navigate the legal system with clarity and confidence.
Every article is based on her real-world legal experience and reviewed to reflect current laws.
Read more about Sarah