Divorcing With Kids? Your First 7 Steps to Protect Custody Rights and Your Child’s Future
Put your children first immediately: file for temporary custody orders, document all parenting activities, avoid disparaging your ex in front of the kids, and consult a family law attorney within 48 hours. Courts in all 50 states use the “best interest of the child” standard to make custody decisions—prioritizing your child’s safety, emotional bonds with both parents, and stability above all else.
Major child support changes took effect September 1, 2024, in California and are rolling out across multiple states in 2025, affecting how courts calculate support payments and allocate expenses.
First 7 Steps When Divorcing With Children
Take these actions within the first week of deciding to divorce:
File for temporary custody orders immediately. Don’t wait for the final divorce decree. Temporary orders establish parenting time, decision-making authority, and child support during the divorce process.
Document everything. Keep a detailed custody journal noting meals prepared, homework help, doctor appointments, school activities, and time spent with your child. This evidence proves your involvement as a caretaker.
Never bad-mouth your ex in front of the kids. Courts favor parents who support the child’s relationship with both parents. Disparaging the other parent damages your custody case.
Consult a family law attorney within 48 hours. Custody decisions made early in divorce proceedings often set the pattern for final arrangements. Early legal guidance protects your rights.
Maintain routines and stability. Keep your child in the same school, activities, and home environment when possible. Courts prioritize continuity and stability.
Open a separate bank account. Document all child-related expenses you pay—childcare, medical bills, school supplies, extracurricular activities. This establishes your financial contribution.
Avoid introducing new romantic partners. Courts view premature introduction of new partners as destabilizing to children and prioritizing adult relationships over the child’s adjustment.
Understanding US Child Custody Laws
All 50 states base custody decisions on the “best interest of the child” standard, though specific factors vary by state. Courts evaluate physical custody (where the child lives) separately from legal custody (who makes major decisions about education, healthcare, and religion).
Joint legal custody allows both parents to share decision-making authority. Most states presume joint legal custody is in the child’s best interest unless evidence shows otherwise.
Joint physical custody means the child spends substantial time with both parents, though not necessarily equal time. About 180 shared parenting bills were introduced across the country from 2014 to 2019.
Sole custody grants one parent primary or exclusive custody rights. Courts award sole custody when joint arrangements would harm the child’s wellbeing due to abuse, neglect, substance abuse, or severe conflict between parents.
Recent 2024-2025 Child Custody Law Changes
Since 2018, five states have enacted equal parenting time presumption laws, with New Hampshire joining this trend in 2024. These laws presume that children benefit from roughly equal time with both parents unless evidence shows otherwise.
In 2024, the Pennsylvania State Legislature added new provisions concerning custody safety conditions and supervised physical custody, and detailed which best interest factors should be given “substantial weighted consideration” when making custody determinations.
Minnesota strengthened remedies for parenting time interference in 2024. If intentional interference with court-ordered parenting time occurs repeatedly, the court must award compensatory parenting time and reasonable attorney fees and costs; may impose a sanction of $500 or less; and may even transfer custody of the child to the parent who was denied parenting time.
California made significant changes effective January 1 and September 1, 2024. When abuse is alleged and the court orders custody or unsupervised visitation to the accused parent, the court must now state in writing that the order is in the child’s best interest and ensures safety.
Child Support Calculation Changes for 2024-2025
Significant changes to California’s child support laws took effect September 1, 2024, with Senate Bill 343. The new law includes:
Proportional distribution of add-ons. Under the new law, mandatory add-ons, such as healthcare and childcare costs, will be distributed proportionally between both parents based on their income, rather than the previous 50/50 split.
Time-share adjustments. The law now includes more detailed guidelines on how to adjust child support payments based on the percentage of time each parent is responsible for the child, recognizing the growing trend of joint custody arrangements.
Income bracket protections. High-income earners will see caps on their child support payments, preventing contributions that exceed the actual needs of the child. For low-income parents, the law introduces measures to protect them from being pushed below the poverty line due to child support obligations.
Reimbursement timeline extended. Requests for reimbursement must now be made within 90 days after the cost is accrued or paid, up from the previous 30-day requirement.
Many of these changes began implementation in January 2025. Massachusetts is reviewing its guidelines based on the cost of living today. Texas, which already made it easier to modify orders in 2023, might expand those rules this year.
Best Interest of the Child: What Courts Consider
The “best interest of the child” standard guides all custody decisions. Here are the primary factors courts evaluate:
The child’s safety and wellbeing. This is the court’s primary concern. Courts assess any history of domestic violence, child abuse, neglect, or substance dependency that may impact the child’s safety.
Parent-child emotional bonds. Courts examine the relationship between the child and each parent, including involvement in daily care, school activities, healthcare appointments, and extracurricular activities.
Each parent’s ability to provide. Courts evaluate each parent’s capacity to meet the child’s daily needs including food, shelter, clothing, medical care, and education.
Willingness to co-parent. Courts favor parents who encourage and support the child’s relationship with the other parent. Signs of parental alienation, loyalty pressure, or interference with visitation harm custody cases.
The child’s adjustment. Courts consider the child’s adjustment to home, school, and community. Stability and continuity matter significantly in custody decisions.
Mental and physical health. Courts assess both parents’ mental and physical health, though disability alone cannot be determinative of custody. Effective January 1, 2024, if a court finds that a parent’s history or current mental illness impacts the best interest of the child, the court must provide the affected party with a list of local mental health treatment resources and state the reasons for its findings in writing or on the record.
The child’s preference. In California, children 14 and older are generally allowed to voice their wishes unless the judge decides it’s not in their best interest. Other states have similar age thresholds, typically between 12-14 years old.
Any history of domestic violence or substance abuse. These factors are heavily scrutinized and can result in supervised visitation or denial of custody.
Types of Custody Arrangements
Understanding custody terminology helps you navigate court proceedings:
Legal custody means decision-making authority for major issues affecting the child’s welfare, including education, healthcare, religious upbringing, and extracurricular activities. Illinois changed terminology in 2016, replacing “custody” with “parental responsibility allocation” and allowing parents to split decision-making responsibility by category.
Physical custody determines where the child lives and who provides day-to-day care.
Joint custody allows both parents to share either legal custody, physical custody, or both. Joint custody doesn’t require perfectly equal time—it means substantial time with both parents.
Sole custody grants one parent primary authority and responsibility. This arrangement is typically ordered when joint custody would harm the child due to abuse, neglect, severe parental conflict, or one parent’s inability to care for the child.
Supervised visitation allows one parent to spend time with the child only with a third party present. Courts order supervision when there are concerns about child safety, substance abuse, or domestic violence.
Child Support: How It’s Calculated
Child support calculations vary by state but generally follow one of three models:
Income Shares Model (used by most states). This approach calculates what both parents would have spent on the child if they stayed together, then divides that amount proportionally based on each parent’s income.
Percentage of Income Model. The non-custodial parent pays a set percentage of their income based on the number of children.
Melson Formula. Used in Delaware and Hawaii, this ensures parents’ basic needs are met before calculating child support obligations.
Illinois shifted to an income-sharing approach that takes into account parenting time of the parties if the parents each have 146 overnight visits or more per year.
All models consider:
- Each parent’s gross income
- Number of children
- Healthcare and childcare costs
- Educational expenses
- Extracurricular activities
- Parenting time percentage
Custody Evaluations: What to Expect
Courts may order custody evaluations when parents cannot agree or when concerns arise about a child’s welfare. A licensed mental health professional conducts the evaluation, which typically includes:
Interviews with both parents about parenting styles, daily routines, the child’s needs, and each parent’s ability to meet those needs.
Interviews with the child appropriate to the child’s age and maturity level.
Home visits to assess living conditions, bedroom arrangements, safety, and stability.
Collateral interviews with teachers, pediatricians, therapists, family members, or others who interact regularly with the child.
Psychological testing may be conducted to assess parental fitness, mental health, or other relevant factors.
Review of records including school reports, medical records, police reports, and previous court documents.
Louisiana updated its law in 2024, providing that the court may order an evaluation of a party or the child in a custody or visitation proceeding for good cause shown. The evaluation shall be made by a licensed mental health professional selected by the parties or by the court.
The evaluator prepares a detailed report with recommendations for custody arrangements. While not binding, judges give significant weight to these expert opinions.
Parental Rights and Responsibilities During Divorce
Both parents retain parental rights during divorce proceedings unless a court orders otherwise. These rights include:
Access to records. Both parents have the right to access their child’s medical, educational, and extracurricular records, even without legal custody.
Communication. Both parents have the right to communicate with their child unless specifically restricted by court order.
Decision-making. Until temporary orders are issued, both parents retain decision-making authority for the child.
Parenting time. Both parents are entitled to spend time with their child, though the court may establish a specific schedule through temporary orders.
Parents also have responsibilities:
Financial support. Both parents must financially support their children, even if they don’t have physical custody.
Medical insurance. Many states require the parent with access to affordable health insurance to provide coverage.
Avoiding parental alienation. Parents must not undermine the child’s relationship with the other parent.
Following court orders. Once temporary or final orders are issued, both parents must comply. Violations can result in contempt proceedings, fines, or custody modifications.
Co-Parenting After Divorce: Setting Up for Success
Successful co-parenting after divorce requires:
A detailed parenting plan. This written agreement specifies custody schedules, holiday arrangements, vacation time, transportation responsibilities, decision-making procedures, and communication methods.
Structured communication. Use email, text, or co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard for documenting agreements and keeping communication business-like.
Consistent rules. While households don’t need to be identical, consistency in bedtimes, homework expectations, and basic rules helps children adjust.
Flexibility. Accommodate reasonable schedule changes when possible. Rigid adherence to every detail strains co-parenting relationships.
Child-focused approach. Make decisions based on what benefits your child, not what punishes or inconveniences your ex.
Boundaries with new partners. Don’t involve new romantic partners in parenting decisions or introduce them until relationships are stable and serious.
Modifying Child Support and Custody Orders
Court orders aren’t permanent. You can request modifications when circumstances substantially change:
Child support modifications are available when:
- Either parent’s income changes significantly
- The child’s needs change (medical expenses, educational costs)
- Parenting time percentages change substantially
- Child support guidelines are updated by the state
If a parent becomes incarcerated, their child support payments will now be paused rather than accruing in some states, providing relief as they rebuild their life.
Custody modifications require showing:
- A substantial change in circumstances
- The modification serves the child’s best interest
- Sufficient time has passed since the last order (typically 1-2 years, depending on state law)
Examples of substantial changes include relocation, remarriage, changes in the child’s needs, changes in a parent’s circumstances (health, employment, housing), or evidence of abuse or neglect.
Protecting Your Children During Divorce
Research consistently shows that parental conflict—not divorce itself—harms children. Protect your children by:
Never arguing in front of them. Keep adult discussions and disagreements away from children.
Maintaining routines. Children thrive on predictability. Keep bedtimes, mealtimes, and activities consistent.
Being honest but age-appropriate. Tell children about the divorce in simple terms they can understand. Don’t overwhelm them with details or blame.
Watching for warning signs. Changes in behavior, grades, sleep patterns, or mood may indicate your child is struggling. Consider counseling.
Letting them be kids. Don’t make children choose sides, deliver messages between parents, or take on adult responsibilities.
Getting professional help. Family therapists and child psychologists help children process divorce and develop healthy coping strategies.
Louisiana enacted a law in 2024 that allows courts to require parties in a custody or visitation proceeding to attend and complete a court-approved program designed to educate and inform the parties of the needs of the children.
Virtual Visitation and Modern Custody Solutions
Technology creates new options for maintaining parent-child relationships:
California’s new law introduces the option of virtual visitation, requiring courts to consider whether visitation should be suspended, denied, supervised, or conducted virtually when a protective order is in place.
Virtual visitation can supplement (not replace) in-person time through:
- Video calls for daily check-ins
- Virtual participation in school events
- Shared online calendars
- Co-parenting apps for communication and documentation
State-Specific Custody Variations
While all states use the “best interest of the child” standard, important variations exist:
Oregon is one of the few states still requiring mediation for custody disputes, though child support mediation remains voluntary in most states.
California requires courts to consider virtual visitation options when protective orders are in place.
Illinois replaced “custody” terminology with “parental responsibility allocation” and “parenting time.”
Minnesota has rebuttable presumptions both for and against joint custody depending on domestic abuse history.
New Hampshire enacted an equal parenting time presumption law.
Pennsylvania specified which best interest factors receive “substantial weighted consideration.”
Consult an attorney licensed in your state to understand how local laws apply to your situation.
Resources for Parents Going Through Divorce
Office of Child Support Enforcement (ocsp.acf.hhs.gov) – Federal resource with state-by-state child support information
State Bar Association Family Law Sections – Many offer free or low-cost consultations and referrals to family law attorneys
Legal Aid Organizations – Provide free legal services to qualifying low-income individuals
Court Self-Help Centers – Most family courts offer self-help centers with forms, instructions, and basic legal guidance
Parenting Education Programs – Many courts require or recommend parenting classes during divorce
Family Mediation Services – Help parents reach agreements outside court, often at lower cost than litigation
Frequently Asked Questions About Divorce With Kids
What happens to custody during the divorce process?
File for temporary custody orders immediately. These establish parenting time, decision-making authority, and child support while the divorce is pending. Temporary arrangements often become the basis for final orders.
How do courts decide custody?
ourts use the “best interest of the child” standard, considering factors like each parent’s relationship with the child, ability to provide care, willingness to co-parent, the child’s adjustment and preferences, and any history of abuse or neglect.
Can my ex prevent me from seeing our children?
Not without a court order. If you have legal parental rights, denying access violates those rights. File an emergency motion if your ex refuses visitation.
How is child support calculated?
Most states use the Income Shares Model, calculating what both parents would spend on the child together, then dividing proportionally based on income. The calculation includes healthcare, childcare, and other child-related expenses.
Can custody orders be modified?
Yes, when circumstances substantially change and modification serves the child’s best interest. Common reasons include relocation, changes in income, remarriage, or evidence of abuse or neglect.
What if my ex isn’t paying child support?
Contact your state’s child support enforcement agency. They can garnish wages, intercept tax refunds, suspend licenses, and pursue other enforcement actions.
Do I need a lawyer for custody cases?
While not legally required, family law attorneys significantly improve outcomes in custody cases. If abuse, neglect, or complex custody disputes are involved, legal representation is strongly recommended.
How long does the custody process take?
Timelines vary from 6 months to over a year depending on court backlogs, case complexity, and whether parents agree or litigate. Temporary orders are typically issued within 2-6 weeks of filing.
Can grandparents get custody or visitation?
Most states allow grandparents to petition for custody or visitation under certain circumstances, such as when parents are unfit or when grandparents had a significant caregiving role.
Key Takeaways for Parents Divorcing With Kids
The first steps you take when divorcing with children set the pattern for years to come. File for temporary custody orders immediately, document your parenting activities thoroughly, maintain your child’s routines and stability, and consult a family law attorney within 48 hours of deciding to divorce.
Courts in all 50 states prioritize your child’s best interests above parental preferences. Demonstrate your commitment to your child’s welfare by supporting their relationship with both parents, maintaining stable living conditions, meeting their physical and emotional needs consistently, and putting their adjustment ahead of adult conflicts.
Recent 2024-2025 law changes in multiple states affect child support calculations, custody evaluation procedures, and parental rights enforcement. Stay informed about changes in your state and consult with an attorney to ensure compliance with new requirements.
Successful co-parenting after divorce protects children from the harmful effects of parental conflict. Focus on your child’s needs, communicate respectfully with your ex, follow court orders precisely, and seek professional help when family dynamics become challenging.
Your children’s futures depend on the decisions you make during divorce. Get expert legal guidance, prioritize their emotional wellbeing, and create stable custody arrangements that support their healthy development.
This article provides general information about child custody and divorce procedures and should not be considered legal advice. For questions about your specific situation, consult with a licensed family law attorney in your state.
About the Author
Sarah Klein, JD, is a former family law attorney with over a decade of courtroom and mediation experience. She has represented clients in divorce, custody cases, adoption, Alimony, and domestic violence cases across multiple U.S. jurisdictions.
At All About Lawyer, Sarah now uses her deep legal background to create easy-to-understand guides that help families navigate the legal system with clarity and confidence.
Every article is based on her real-world legal experience and reviewed to reflect current laws.
Read more about Sarah